By:Deb Tymstra

When someone you care about has cancer, its hard to know what to do. Your feelings run the range of shock, fear, helplessness and helpfulness. The fact is they are still the same person and they need you. Be the friend you have always been. Tell them you care and want to help, but let them lead the way. Don’t burden them with the responsibility of asking for help, but be aware of their needs.

Offer to do specific tasks.

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1. Offer a ride to and from treatments and appointments and maybe lunch or shopping afterwards.
2. Make, take or return phone calls. Perhaps be the liaison for their work mates.
3. Take the kids for an hour, afternoon, day, overnight and make it a special time for the children.
4. Run errands.
5. Make a meal that can be frozen and reheated.
6. Do laundry.
7. Offer to clean the house, cut the grass or put out the garbage.

Be there for the caregiver (spouse, partner, family members or whoever is providing primary care)

1. Respect their role.
2. Send them a card telling them they're doing a great job and let them know you care.
3. Offer to be the caregiver for a while so they can have time to themselves.
4. Be someone they can talk to and share their feelings with.
5. Invite the family for a meal.

Bring fun and sunshine or something personal

1. Rent a movie, preferably a comedy and watch it with them.
2. Give a CD of relaxing music or their favourite artist with a personal message written on the jacket.
3. Gather some common friends and plant flowers in the garden or window boxes.
4. Bring them indoor growing spring flower arrangements, or decorate their Christmas tree.
5. Take them for a drive in the country or a walk in the park or by the lake.
6. Play cards or games or just spend time together.
7. Listen.

Cancer affects everyone, from the patient to family, friends, acquaintances and work mates. While the disease is frightening, it isn’t contagious. The patient will always be the person in your life they were before getting cancer. Be who you are for them and know that by sharing the experience together your lives will be different and in someway more meaningful.

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Deb is a breast cancer survivor. She shares some of her personal experience so others may benefit. Read Deb's Biography...

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